Hear Me Now
by handathepanda
Summary: Hermione is tired of living in the shadows as Lucius' mistress and decides giving up her own life is the only way to show him how much he truly means to her.  Rated M for blood and gore.  One-shot.


_**A/N This was written for the **__**'Show Me the Angst!' Challenge! **__**By SummerxMidnightxDreamer and **__**'Tears Pour Down My Cheeks'**__** competition by Heart of Spellz**__**.**_

_**I also dedicate this to Ali :3**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own the song Hear Me Now by Framing Hanley which helped inspire me to write it and I have some of the lyrics throughout this.**_

_**.:.**_

_**Hear Me Now**_

_**.:.**_

I never expected this, though I probably should have. I sat against the cold white tile in my bathroom with a piece of metal pressed against my wrist. Just a little pressure and I can end it all. Once and for all.

_'If I die, it'll kill you. But if I keep living, it will kill me.' _

A single tear ran down my cheek as I clutched a picture of him with one hand, and the razor with the other. His picture gleamed with arrogance and pride, like someone who doesn't know how they are really affecting another.

I lazily looked at the date I scribbled on the corner. We were together at the time this picture had been taken. I threw the picture to the side and took in a deep, shaky breath. It's now or never.

I pressed the sharp razor against my skin as dark red blood started to creep out. I dragged it across my wrist in one swift motion as I gasped at the pain.

Sure there were other ways I could do this, but for him to find me like this, maybe he will finally be able to see, to finally hear what I have been trying to say. Not think of it as an empty threat, and for once in his life he will see that he was and is still _**wrong**_.

I was tired of living a lie. While he is with his beautiful wife and son, I was just his floozy, his mistress. He said he loved me, bull. If he did, I wouldn't be bleeding out on my bathroom floor.

I've told him plenty of times, I want out. I wanted to be with him and only him, that was my one true goal with my life. But I gave that up too. If you have no goals in life, what do you live for? I didn't care about the Prophet, I didn't care about my friends and allies, I didn't care about anything. But he always wanted to keep up his reputation. Have the trophy wife and fantastic son. He could never be seen with a Mudblood. That self-righteous, conniving, bastard, he only cares about himself. All the empty promises he made about our life were only for show.

Anger made it's way into my already sick stomach. Pain, guilt, and shame threatened to take me away every waking moment and I was finally giving in. I picked up the blood-soaked razor with shaky hands and yelled out a cry as I slashed my other wrist.

The room suddenly felt way too bright for human eyes, was I dying already? Does it usually take longer, or is this it? I didn't care.

_'I hope he finds me like this.' _I thought bitterly.

I always said how I couldn't live without him. Oh how he thought it was such a childish thing to say, I'll show him how childish I can be.

_0-0-0-0-0-0_

"_Lucius I'm leaving," I said sternly as I stood by the doorway. The smell of sweat and heat burned by nose, I needed to get out of there. _

_Lucius still laid on the messy bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Next week then as we planned yes?" He said as calmly as if he were talking about what he had for lunch. I frowned and took a deep breath. My heart tugged in my chest and felt like it would burst out any second._

"_No, I'm leaving for good." I wrapped my arms around my chest and looked at the ground, still ashamed of what went on a few minutes prior._

"_So you're threatening to do that again are you?" He sighed but continued, "You won't last a day,"_

_I opened and closed my mouth like a fish out of water, trying to think of something to say but I found I couldn't form any coherent words. He let out a slight chuckle at my failed attempt to defy him. He knew I couldn't._

"_I would last more than a day but," I said quietly, I wasn't sure even if he had heard me, "I...I love you." I immediately regretted ever saying anything. The room became silent and tension filled the air._

_Lucius' condescending matter faded quickly. He slid up into a sitting position on the bed as I slouched over letting my hair fall in my face, attempting to cover it._

_'Why did I even say anything?' My face burned red with embarrassment._

"_You say you love me? You're confusing it with lust and that's it, love is such a frivolous matter," His voice was dark but I could hear the underlining panic._

_My mouth curled up into a smirk. Leave it to Lucius to panic once human emotions became clear. I lifted my head up and looked him in the eyes. He hated when people confronted him._

"_I just, I don't think I can live without you. That's not lust. But you're saying all those dinners, late nights talking, all of those were just so you can get me into bed? Is this all lust to you?" I shouted. _

_At that point I felt tears well up in my chest and burn the back of my throat and eyes. _

"_Yes," That one word echoed in my head. I knew when he was bluffing and I knew when he was serious. That word sounded as sad and as serious as it could get._

"_I see," I coughed out. I turned around and heard the sheets on the bed ruffle. I expected him to be behind me at any moment but minutes passed until I figured he had laid back down. _

_I began to take small steps out of the door and I heard him speak up, "See you next week," His velvety voice called out to me. I stopped in my tracks, shook my head, and continued out. I wiped away the tears with my sleeve as they seemed to pour out of my eyes no matter what I did. My heart shattered. It felt as if a piece of me was ripped off. Just ten seconds, couldn't I have had ten more seconds where I thought he actually cared? _

_'You won't last a day.'_

_0-0-0-0-0-0_

Those words haunted me but now maybe they will haunt him every waking moment, him knowing he did this to me; his little Mudblood toy.

My eyes began to feel heavy and it was almost painful to keep them open any longer. I dropped down onto the red floor and closed my eyes.

There I was, laying on the floor in a pool of my own blood, calling out to him. I forced my eyes to open and focus one last time to see his picture, all wrinkled and soaked with blood. I smirked at bit at the sight.

Someone on the outside may think he won this war, but I know deep down, my sacrifice won. I won for once. His condescending manner will now be just an act.

He never listened, never believed. I told him I would leave him one day and he simply took it as a joke, not knowing the deep pain it put me through. But now, I know, he will hear me but it will simply be too late.

I saw his arrogant smirk flash my way one last time from the photo as my vision began to blur. A single tear dropped from my eyes as I closed them for good coming closer to the sweet release of death.

We weren't meant to be together, we were all too different. Perhaps in another life where we don't have to live and die in this world of lies.

I took in one last breath as I slipped into oblivion; praying, hoping that he will finally hear me now.


End file.
